No matter how hard I try or how long I train, running is excruciating for me. I count the minutes. I pray for it to be over. I have to become a motivational speaker in my head... "You can do it!"
So when I put on this list HERE that I wanted to run (not walk!) a 5K, my college roomie sent me message and suggested that we run the Carlsbad 5000 together.
There's no other 3.1 miles that I'd rather run than the Carlsbad 5K. It is on the coast in one of my favorite cities. And to run it with one of my favorite people, I knew I had to say "yes."
So I did. Then I ran 3 days a week at the gym for a couple of months despite arthritis (thank you lupus) in my knee that made me want to quit more than once.
But I didn't.
The best part for me: Accomplishing a goal with my friend by my side.
The best part for the kids: Yummy treats after waiting 33 minutes for me to run.
Today when Kevin and I loaded the 3 boys in the car I was excited to check this item off of my "want to do this year" list. I was looking forward to the boys who usually just see me cooking, cleaning, and chauffeuring them from different activities, do something goal oriented.
There were several times during the race that I wanted to to stop. The sun was beating down, I had lactic acid in my shoulder, and I was just plain tired, but I didn't give up.
It helped that my friend, Andrea, was like Bob from The Biggest Loser and kept cheering me on. She ran earlier with her husband so this was her 2nd time doing the race in one day. She used to do cross country in high school. Blast those runner types!
And when we ran towards the finish line, I noticed that I finished 10 minutes less than my time at the gym! I was thrilled with my time and elated that the run was O-V-E-R.
I think as parents it is imperative for us to set goals outside of the parenting realm. The last 3 years since we had our youngest were a bit like walking through a foggy forest. I've realized that it is time to do somethings for myself and that I don't have to feel guilty for it.
So what is your gig? What is it outside of parenting that makes your heart skip a beat? Are you taking time for yourself? It doesn't have to be much. It surprises me with how little time I really need to recharge.
You deserve it. Go for it.
Much love, Katie
P.S. Please stop on over at my new blog, God Moments for Moms, and become a follower. If you're feeling it, write a lil' something-something to post on it. I can't wait to hear from you! Hugs!
I am coming right out and admitting that this post FREAKS me out. Big time. Big enough that I've been debating whether or not to do it all week.
For those of you who are unfamiliar to What I Wore Wednesday, let me fill you in... In an effort to encourage ladies to get out of those all too comfy yoga pants, Uggs, and hoodies, brave women are linking up what they wore during the week on The Pleated Poppy. It is fun. It is harmless. It has forced me to get out of my comfort zone and more specifically, out of wearing my Rainbows (flip-flops), jeans, and plain shirt combo everyday.
B-O-R-I-N-G
I've been contemplating how I can do this to make it practical and fun. I am focusing on making mama hot on a budget. Pre-kids, I shopped high end stores without a thought. Now that I am staying home with the kiddos I have to scale back. I am sure many of you can relate. I'm also keeping it real. I have two kids in preschool, as well as a 2nd grader. Life is messy around here and we don't have a huge need to dress up. I'm keeping it kid-friendly cuz that's my life.
Oh, one more thing. Ignore my weird, dorky expressions. I'm not sure if I should smile at myself in the mirror (cheesy) or just stare (kinda scary). Your thoughts on this one?
And for those of you who knew me back in high school days, yes I've gained 5 pounds (ugh!) but, I guess being on prednisone for my lupus and having 3 kids will do that! Don't we all want our high school bodies back? Well, I do at least!
Oh, yeah, one more thing. Ignore my inability to photograph myself. I am crooked in a few shots and left my laundry basket in full view. Nice one, Katie!
So here we go. Just an average mom moving beyond yoga pants on a budget....
Love the shirt detail...
and the ring from Costa Rica...
*shirt-Forever 21, capri cargo pants-Old Navy, and wedge sandals-Old Navy (last year)
Those who know me well know that I can find any reason to throw a party.
We're gathering a group of our local friends to crash at my in-laws (lots of big space in their yard). They are cool like that. They actually enjoy 20 plus kids coming to their house.
And in Yoda talk, which is big around this neck of the woods these days with 3 boys, blessed WE are.
Here's a sneak peak of what's to come. I've been hiding it in my closet. The hubs is super chill and enjoys the parties, but he gets a little, "how big is this party?" kinda anxious when he sees all the bags.
Out of sight...out of mind.
We've also been in the process of making our Lego Easter Story video with the boys. Check out the preview here.
Anyone else really weird about making sure you don't put the same color of candy as the color of the plastic egg or is just me?
What does your family enjoy doing around this time of the year to celebrate the Easter season?
In honor of April being Autism Awareness Month, I have interviewed a very special friend of mine. We met when our oldest boys were in occupational therapy together. Both of our oldest boys have Asperger's Syndrome. Her youngest son received an autism diagnosis not too long ago. She is an amazing mom and has gone the true distance to do everything possible to help her boys. Here's Lexi:
What are your children's names and ages? Dylan-7, Taylor-3
At what age were your children diagnosed?Dylan-4 (Aspergers), Taylor-2 (Autism)
What were each child's symptoms? We first knew something was different with Dylan from a sensory standpoint. He had extreme tactile issues: wouldn't touch sand or grass, unexpected touch elicited a fight response, haircuts were dreadful and so was nail cutting. We also noticed that he had an EXTREMELY difficult time in social situations. Although he is very bright he simply could not navigate social situations succesfully. He had poor play skills, couldn't identify how others felt, and would seek out contact by bumping, pushing and hitting other kids. As he got to be preschool age, he had no friends, poor fine and gross motor skills, was becoming increasingly rigid, lined up toys, and became more difficult to manage at home.
Having Taylor after Dylan's Aspergers diagnosis, we were more aware of the signs and symptoms of autism the second time around. That being said, it wasn't until his 18 month checkup that our pediatrician suggested an evaluation with For OC Kids and getting in contact with Regional Center. By 12 months, Taylor had much better gross motor skills than Dylan had at that age. However, he wasn't babbling and didn't seek either Pat or I out for interaction. I figured it was stilll early so we waited to see what happened over the next 6 months. My 18 months, he wasn't babbling, had only 3 words which he rarely used, wasn't playing with anything, and didn't seek interaction and enjoyment from those around him. He wandered a TON and never seemed to take interest in his surroundings.
What was the evaluation process like? We had Dylan evaluated with Dr. Iverson right after he turned 4. It was a thorough, 8 session evaluation that involved meeting with Pat and I alone, meeting Dylan with us there, seeing Dylan alone in her office and watching him out in the community. At the end, she told us she was absolutely certain that he had Aspergers Syndrome and gave us suggestions of what we should do from there.
Taylor was evaluated at 19 months at For OC Kids Neurodevelopmental Center by a developemtal pediatrician. She observed him, spoke with me, and had me complete several tests. She informed me that he had a failed an autism screening called the M-CHAT which screens for autism in toddlers. At that time I was told that they don't diagnose autism before age 2 and she asked us to come back to have an ADOS test at age 2. The ADOS (autism diagnostic observation scale) is considered the gold standard for autism testing and is administered by a physician over a period of an hour. The doctor sets up multiple different play and social scenarios and observes for autistic traits. I left that test knowing Taylor had not done well and went back to follow up with the developmental pediatrician several weeks after. She informed me that Taylor had met the scoring criteria for a diagnosis of autism and suggested we start a structured autism preschool program immediately.
What therapies do you have in place? Both boys have services both privately and through the school district. Pat and I pay for social skills programs twice weekly for both boys as well as occupational therapy to address sensory and motor issues. Dylan still receives alot through the district.....he currently gets OT once a week, speech twice a week to address pragmatics and articulation, social skills training, and he has a 1:1 aide for all unstructured times of the day like lunch and recesses. Taylor is in a special day class preschool funded through the district that is for children with higher functioning autism and other disabilities.
Has there been one particular therapy/intervention or combination of interventions which have been most beneficial for them? For Dylan, the social skills training he receives twice weekly has been a crucial part of his success. He has blossomed under their guidance! They are helping him learn to navigate a constantly changing social world...
For Taylor, I think that early intervention was key. By 19 months he had speech, OT and an in-home ABA program going 10 hours a week to work on his areas of delay. From ages 2-3, he attended a structured autism preschool 20 hours a week funded through the regional center which helped work on the social and play components. In the past couple of weeks we have really seen the light start to turn on for him. He's starting to play with toys, is actively aware of those around him, and is as curious and mischevious as ever!
What do you think is the biggest misconception about autism? Despite the prevalence of autism and the fact that it is on the rise, so many people in my community have such poor understandings of what autism really is. While it would never be admitted to, they treat autism as if it were the flu, as if their children will catch it by playing with mine. Some people literally back up from my kids if they get close, I'm sure it's an unconcious response, but that's still a problem.We aren't invited to birthday parties and most playdates are with other kids who are on the spectrum. Autism doesn't have to mean a child is non-verbal, handflapping, and unable to form any close connections with others. That's certainly a portion of those diagnosed. There is also a large portion of children diagnosed with forms of autism who are brilliant. There are autistic children like mine who want friends, want to play and engage with others, they just don't know how. People think my kids make a choice, as if they have control over their behaviors and compulsions and choose to be difficult. "Why can't he just stop?" they ask. Trust me, it's as frustrating for my boys as it is for those around them. They don't want to have compulsions and behaviors that make it difficult to fit in, but autism doesn't turn off just because you want it to.
What has been your biggest struggle as a parent with children on the autism spectrum? By far, the biggest struggle as their mom has been watching the struggle they have across most social situations. More specifically, Dylan wants so badly to have friends. While he's still unsure what exactly a friend is and he has many troubles identifying whether a child is or is not acting friendly he craves that acceptance and sense of belonging. Watching him sit by himself, not welcomed by the boys in his class and unsure about who else he could approach is painful. Knowing that he is smart enough to understand that he doesn't quite fit in and watching him struggle with understanding why is something I wish upon no one.
What are your biggest hopes for you boys? Really, most of my hopes are no different for my children then most parents have for theirs. I want them to have a friend, to feel loved and secure in who they are, to know that they can do anything they put their minds to if they are willing to work for it. I do have a few hopes that many parents may not have to worry about as much....I hope that my sons are able to find their nitch when they are grown, that they are able to live on their own one day, balance their checkbooks, remember that they need to eat and pay their bills, find a partner who loves them for who they are (quirks and all). And if parts of that don't happen, I hope my boys know that they will ALWAYS, always have a place in our home. No questions asked, no matter what the world throws at them we will always love them for exactly who they are.
When a child receives a birthday party invitation, most parents put the date on the calendar and grab a gift on the next visit to Target. However, birthday parties are always a source of conflict for us when it comes to our oldest, Luke (8). Asperger's has a way of doing that sometimes.
When he was a toddler, he often got over stimulated due to the sensory overload. The noise, the activity, and the break from his regular routine were too much for him to handle. Meltdowns were not probable. They were guaranteed.
We'd often end up flustered, embarrassed, and exhausted as we drove home in defeat. To make matters even worse, we carried a tremendous load of guilt for feeling flustered, embarrassed, and exhausted.
I was envious of the other families who didn't have an Asperger's diagnosis control every single factor of life. I wondered what it would be like to pull up to the party, hop out of the car, and simply watch Luke play with the other children, play games, and happily skip out to the car once the cake was consumed and party favors were passed out.
We sadly came to a premature conclusion that birthday parties were never going to be easy for Luke. Truthfully, it was easier to accept this and attend parties with a real perspective rather than to be filled with anxiety and ultimately disappointment.
When you see your child struggle everyday to fit into the "norm" it slays you when you watch other children so easily function within a social setting that requires no prompting, teaching, or stress. Most children inately know how to socially interact and have fun with one another at birthday parties.
Which is why it hurt so much.
Now that Luke is 8 and has progressed so significantly, we worry a lot less about parties. In fact, I worry no more or less than I do with my other two little guys.
However, when we read that my nephew's upcoming birthday party was at a BMX racing course, I have to be honest, this was my 1st thought:
"He's never getting on his bike once he sees that track." Riding bikes is one of his least favorite activities.
When we pulled in and he saw the track he didn't protest a bit.
When I opened the trunk of my minivan I expected him to complain about riding.
He helped me pull his red and black bike out.
When he found out that he could not wear his helmet from home and would have to wear a racing helmet, I knew we'd be watching from the sidelines.
He thought about it. He protested a bit. Change is not easy when you have Asperger's.
Then he reached for the racing helmet and asked me to strap it on.
My heart was pounding. The anxiety peaked. It was almost easier for me to know that he wasn't going to try. Now I was filled with fear. I didn't want him to try and then get hurt since he's not much of a bike rider. What if he put himself out there and didn't succeed? I was simply so proud that he wanted to even wear the helmet. I didn't want it to be one step forward two steps back.
I watched him from the benches as the group of boys stood at the top of the hill by the racing entrance gates. I nervously gazed at him as he slowly started to back away from the gates as he cut through the crowd of excited boys. My heart sunk. He got so close to trying and now he was backing out. I could tell he was bravely fighting back tears. He was convinced it was just too dangerous. I could sense his internal conflict of wanting to try, but being too afraid to try. He knew he was the only big kid not going on the track and it bothered him.
I was that kid too. Always afraid. Wanting to try. Letting my fears get the best of me. Always the wimpy one. Carrying that shame.
Although my initial reaction was to push him to try, I've learned better. I accepted his choice. I told him to come sit with me and watch the other boys. Kids need to feel safe and accepted when they are feeling intimidated and afraid. It is not about me it is abut him. It has taken me a long time to learn this lesson.
Within 15 minutes he caught me off guard with, "Okay, I'm ready now."
And with that, he put his racing helmet back on, grabbed his bike and walked it up the dirt hill to the entrance of the gates.
He was off. He was slow and cautious. He needed some help from the supervisors to get up a few hills, but by his 3rd time around the track, he was cruising at his own pace. No longer afraid, he'd pedal past me and yell, "Hi Mom!" and then he purposely skid at the end of the track as if to throw in some extra attitude. I could feel my heart swelling to the point that I thought it may burst. My brother, sister, and I cheered like crazy. When he gets over those hurdles it is so huge and it is a triumph for all of us. I just cheered and cheered and cheered as if it was the fuel that kept him going.
Oh, that kid has taught me so many lessons. How I wish I could trust my instincts as well as that kid trusts his own. How I wish I would be less influenced by what other's think about me. How I wish that I would do things when I know it is right instead of when other's think it is right. He's his own guy and he's not afraid to be himself. I wish I could say the same.
Above all, I'm learning to let it go. I'm learning to let go of my preconceived ideas. I'm learning to respond to each of my children in a very self-specific manner. There is no one size fits all approach to parenting in this casa.
Most importantly, I learning to let go of living up to the "norm."
It is so overrated.
Check him out on youtube. He's in the middle of the track when it starts in the jeans, black jacket, and black and white helmet. I cry when I watch it. He's come far. The sky's the limit. Soar high, Luke. Soar high.
A year since I discovered that I had a lot to say. A lot. Thanks for listening. Seriously. I am very grateful.
As many of you may be able to relate to, I felt like I was in the washing machine on a continuous spin cycle for the last few years.
Between work, a baby, a big move, part-time work, choosing to stay home, another baby, another move, Asperger's diagnosis, another baby, cancer, another move...all wrapped up with a big move back to the place where we started. Whew!
I know it sounds like a lot. It was. We all have our trials, though, right? You can read how we survived our road bumps HERE.
I was exhausted.
Can a girl get a, "I hear ya, sista!"
I lost touch with the things that used to make me happy. I was so preoccupied with making sure everyone else was happy, that I lost a bit of myself, too. I was so busy with DOING that I forgot what I was like when I was just BEING.
It was a dark place and I didn't realize I was there until we moved out of Orange County and back to San Diego County. I had more time on my hands because we didn't have all of our scheduled playdates, beach walks, time at my parent's house, and Luke's therapy schedule.
I finally had what I was hoping for: TIME, but I didn't know what to do with it.
Then I started reading Greta's blog. Please visit her HERE. Her words and photographs gave me the inspiration I needed. I always had stories swirling around in my head, but now I had a place to put them.
So with little knowledge of blogging, I set forth and made it happen. It has given me a passion for writing, photographing, and most importantly, it has met my initial motivation: it has provided a place for parents to come together and say, "I've been through that too" or "Ugh, I know what those sleepless nights are like." It is a place to CONNECT and SUPPORT.
The biggest lesson I've learned is that it is easy to feel alone when you are a parent. When you're a full-time working mommy (been there), you feel disconnected from the stay-at-home moms and when you are a stay-at-home mom you can feel isolated at home with a day full of wiping bottoms, putting kids in time-outs, and wishing for a long enough shower to shave your legs and wash your hair on the same day.
I'm glad we can go through it together.
Thank you for being a part of this journey. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy lives to connect with me. It has been such a gift and I am extremely filled with joy to have you along for the ride.
My husband travels for work from time to time. He is in sales and it is just a part of his job that I have grown to accept even though I am paranoid about being by myself with the kids during the night. Anyone else become a serious worrier at night when they are holding down the fort?
This morning was like any other typical Monday for us. We got up and rushed like mad to get out of the door for school by 7:40. I'm not a morning person, so this daily task is not easy for me; even with my morning cup of happy.
After I dropped Luke and Charlie off at school, I ran errands with Jack before heading back to get Charlie from preschool. On our quick drive home, we chatted about his day at preschool, pulled into the garage, and walked into the house.
And to our surprise, we found a little touch of love left behind by Kevin.
Luke:
Charlie:
Jack:
They were so excited. I'm not sure if they were more enthusiastic about the loving note from Daddy or the sweet chocolate, but my gut instinct is telling me it was the chocolate. My kids roll that way...sweets over sentiment.
Except, for Charlie. He wanted to post his note on the pantry so he could read it when he gets his snacks.
He's four. He can't read yet. It doesn't matter to him, though.
Love that kid.
As my tank filled up with joy by the little touch of love left for my boys, I noticed a little note for me too.
I paused and smiled. It doesn't take fancy dinners and fragrant roses in this casa.
His little touch of love turned an ordinary morning into something extraordinary.
A little touch of love makes it all lovely.
Much love, Katie
P.S. I'm linking up over at Heather's Life Made Lovely Mondays here. Please visit! Happy Monday, Friends!
