three

There are moments when I capture all 3 of them together and I stop and give thanks.



Much love,
Katie

Linking up with Heather at Beautifully Rooted.
Beautifully Rooted-Found

a mama's intuition

A few weeks ago I had a day that was like most days during my lunch. I dropped  my 4th graders off in the cafeteria, quickly ate a few bites in the teachers' lounge, and made a mad dash back to my room to do as much as possible with my extra minutes before the bell rang.

On some occasions, I take my lunch and bring it into Charlie's kindergarten room. I sit with him and his group while they do math centers. However, I usually do this on Tuesdays so the teacher knows when she can count on me to come in and help.

Since it was Friday I was trying to ignore the gut instinct to go see him. I just had a real sense of missing my buddy. As I tried to reason with myself that I didn't want to cause any interruptions, I continued to have a nagging sense that I should go check on him.

As I slowly opened the door and peaked my head in, I noticed there was a substitute. So I tried to mutter something along the lines of, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that the kids had a sub today. I'm a mom. Well, and a teacher here. (Feeling really stupid at this point). And I just pop in sometimes (great, now I sound like a helicopter parent), and hang out.

She smiled and said, "okay." I think it was more of like, "Ok....this lady is kinda nutty" but I went inside anyway.

I immediately noticed that my sweet Charlie was holding a bag of ice to his head.

My not too affectionate boy climbed into my lap. I decided it was best to go into the hallway so I could get the details.

It turns out he was just bumped by a big bouncy ball. I think it may have been more of an emotional reaction than physical. My new role as a working mom has not been without struggle for my 3 boys as they struggle with a big change in our daily routine.

He begged me to take him home, but I convinced him to go back to class. However, within minutes I heard my classroom door opening.

Charlie was back.

This time it took a little snack from my cupboard, a chance to sit in Mom's teacher chair, and a little photo taking distraction.

we are fierce

It has been my best lunch break yet.

There is nothing like finding joyful moments in everyday life experiences.

May you have a moment of joy in the mundane today, too.

Much love,
Katie

linking up with the anderson crew

pushing through--need your prayers

I'm struggling with my health lately. Lupus is sometimes like my dark secret. I put on a brave face and say that I am well.



Lupus is not something I write in depth about often.

I keep it quiet. I don't even share with my family. I push through because I want to seek the normalcy of life and not let the discouragement that comes with chronic pain overcome the beauty that God has given us. I want to conquer it.



However, having lupus means that different parts of your body are affected at any given time. It may be neurological one day and joints the next day. Along with lupus I have sjogren's syndrome and chronic migraines.

I have had burning mouth syndrome since Jack's birth 4 years ago. My mouth and lips are on fire ALL. DAY. LONG.

There is no relief.

My team of doctors are not sure if it is neurological since I have peripheral nueropathy. In simple terms, my nerves go haywire in all parts of body and cause extreme pain.

It could be hormonal.

It could be due to one of the dozen (+) meds I take.

So 4 years later my mouth is still on fire. I want to cry. I want something....ANYTHING...to make the pain go away.

As we continue to try and fail to treat it, I ask for your prayers.

Please pray for the doctors to be more aggressive in options. Pray for me to stay positive. Pray for me to have more patience with my sweet boys.







When your body betrays you daily, it can be a struggle to have the energy to parent the way you desire.



Pray for me to communicate my struggle better to Kevin. My heart is heavy for him and how he takes on this baggage too.



Thank you my friends. Thank you for letting this be a place where I can let it all out and not be strong. Thank you for praying.

I love you dearly.

Much love,
Katie

Linking up with Casey.

redeeming a ho hum Christmas

The Grand Build Up

For the entire month of December, we've been soaking up every ounce of Christmas spirit like it's going out of style. We carried on our traditions: movies, books, decorations, baking, ugly sweater party, baking cranberry bread for our neighbors, and the advent calendar.



And just like every other year, those traditions are the stepping blocks leading to the grand finale of Christmas. We have always celebrated on Christmas Eve on my side of the family. I'm told it is a Scandinavian tradition. You may think it is just a ploy to open presents one day earlier, but I promises it is the real deal.



*****
Christmas Eve

We drove to the beach town of San Clemente to hang with my family. We ate a ham dinner, attended church, and opened presents at my sister's house.







The craziness of 7 kids was actually contained until Jack lost it towards the end. The melt down began and we quickly wrapped up the evening.

We stopped by my parents to pick up our dog. As soon as we parked, their neighbor came out and with our dog howling and barking in the background, informed us that he had been doing that the entire time we were gone. Kevin profusely apolgized, but she would not let up and made it clear that we had ruined her Christmas Eve.

My Fa La La's were drained.

Once we got home, I started to feel withdrawal symptoms from decreasing my prednisone which I've been on for 9 years for my lupus. We put the boys to bed at 10 p.m. and I crashed. My sweet husband had to do Santa duty all by himself this year. Well, Rascal helped too. He's good like that.



*****
Christmas Day

The next morning the boys enthusiastically opened their stockings. It is always my favorite part as they exclaim, "this is what I always wanted!" for each gift. Yes, even socks.





We let them play for a few hours. We've learned to take Christmas morning slow. It is good for all of us.



Later in the day, we headed to Kevin's parent's house. I was so sick, but I didn't want my lupus to interfere with the celebration of the day. I was desperate to get my Fa La La's back and perhaps a few ho, ho, ho's too.



The kids were going on 48 hours of limited sleep and overstimulation. Everyone started to fall apart. I wanted to scream, "This is Christmas! Be good and stop fighting!" However, I didn't think my in-laws or their guests would appreciate it.

Again, we got home and I crashed. I felt guilty that I didn't get to spend any time with Kevin. I know he must have been disappointed, but he is a trooper. He's had to deal with the effects of my lupus for 17 years, but it has never impacted Christmas. He never says a word, though. I love that guy.

I have to admit (and I know this goes against the blogger's creed of all things lovely and perfect), but I was feeling down about Christmas. The ho, ho, ho's I was seeking were more like ho hum, hums.

*****
Redemption

But the next day offered redemption.

The kids spent the morning playing with their new toys without fighting.

Although, I was still feeling like poo (yes I said poo. Crap? Poo?...poo) , but we decide we should head to our favorite hiking spot.



Just the 5 of us.



The day could not have been more perfect.







There is something about being outside together that refuels us.





It brings us together again.









While we headed home, I could not help but to be reminded of true Christmas redemption and the fact that our Christmas--stressful or not, is not classified as good or bad based on feeling well or children behaving.



Much love,
Katie

share and care--teaching children compassion

There is no better time than the Christmas season to reflect on all that we have been given and to teach our children to give back in return.

Giving is also a great way to counteract any serious bouts of "I wants" which seem to plague our home come December.

Inspired by the bags I saw from Joy's Hope over Thanksgiving, I asked my friend Karen if she wanted to join me in the creation of the Share and Care Project.



The idea is simple and affordable.

You first need to gather items from your local bargain store. I found Wisps, beanies, gloves, foot warmers, and lip balm at the 99 cent store and Target dollar bins. I added bottled water, a granola bar, raisins, and a pack of nuts.



The bags are not limited to these items. Mini bags of tissues, McDonald's gift cards, protein bars, etc. are also great items to include.

To make the bags special and personal, the children first decorated homemade sugar cookies, which they of course had to sample. You know, just to make sure they were good!





After decorating cookies, they made Christmas cards to add to their bags.





Each child made a bag. We will store the bags in our car and when the opportunity arises, such as when we see someone with a sign off a freeway offramp, we will hand them the bag.

Even the younger children understood the basic concept that we were meeting together to make a bag for someone who does not have the simple things that we take for granted like a warm, safe house and a refrigerator and pantry full of food.

I encourage you to take part in the Share and Care Project this season. Gather with family, friends, co-workers, or church group and make it happen.

As an extra incentive, try this sugar cookie recipe. It gets raves every time. You will want to share these cookies, trust me!

1 cup butter
1 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 tablespoon milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 cups flour
3 teaspoons baking powder

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Cream butter. Add sugar gradually. Add eggs, milk, and vanilla and cream well. Sift flour and baking soda together and add to mixture. Chill for at least 2 hours or overnight. Roll out on floured surface to 1/8" thickness. Cut into desired shapes. Place on cookie sheet. Bake until very light brown. Cool. Frost and decorate. (Serves 2 dozen large cookies).

Enjoy the time doing something that will bless the lives of others and teach your children the gift of giving. And may you each experience the ultimate gift which we celebrate on Decemeber 25th.

Merry Christmas!

Much love,
Katie

do you know me?

Many of you have started following long after I wrote my 1st post. This is our story. This is why I started blogging. This tells you who I am.

*****
My Family Curse

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “Your family is cursed!” Friends and strangers alike are not trying to offend me and there is no offense taken. It is actually being offered as a token of sympathy with a twinge of humor. Yes, our family seems to have been hit with a series of unfortunate events, but I clearly don’t see it as a curse. They have been blessings. They have urged us toward growth and to live better lives. Let me explain:

Kevin and I got married in 1999. We were young, but after five years of dating we were ready to move forward. We struggled like other young couples while I completed my teaching credential and Kevin finished his degree in business. Things were looking up once I was hired as a 5th grade teacher and Kevin was promoted to management with his company. However, during my 1st year of teaching, I wasn’t feeling well. I continued to have odd symptoms that began when I was 16 and they were starting to get worse. I had random fevers, fatigue, and rashes. After a 6 year struggle to find a reason I was feeling so sick, I finally was diagnosed with lupus, an auto-immune disorder. So many people expressed sympathy, but I saw hope in the midst as there were other people diagnosed with diseases much more severe than me that same day and I was thankful for not having anything more threatening.

Fortunately, my lupus was very manageable and I was able to get pregnant that spring. We had our baby, Luke, and life was good.



But then I had a severe lupus flare up that I suffered a few days after having Luke. I ended up in the hospital for a week and have been battling the disease to a much greater degree since. You can read more about Luke's birth story and my lupus experience here.

A year later, we had the next bomb drop. Kevin was laid off from work. We struggled to make ends meet and the stress took a severe toll on us as a couple. Everyday felt full of uncertainty. Weeks turned into months. It was a huge relief when Kevin got a new job with a great company. Not only did it pay better, but it was more secure and had much better growth potential. It wasn’t a curse after all. It was a transition for better opportunities.

Two years later, we found out I was pregnant. Although it was a surprise, we were thrilled. However, shortly after my positive pregnancy test, I started bleeding. An ultrasound confirmed our worst fear, the pregnancy was ending. I was devastated. The hardest part was that I didn't know how to grieve for it. On one hand I knew that miscarriages happen often. It was very early, which made me feel like I wasn't supposed to grieve as much as someone further along in pregnancy. I told those who tried to comfort me that I was fine even though I was broken down by my sadness. Even in the midst of my sadness, though, I still had hope that I'd be able to get pregnant again and that hope was part of my recovery.

Within a few months I found out I was pregnant again. We were over the moon with joy. At the same time, I was incredibly scared at the possibility of another loss. I tried to relax and enjoy the newness of finding out another little one was on the way. It wasn't long when I began bleeding. I tearfully called my doctor who asked me to come in right away. I prayed aloud as I drove and kept repeating,"please not again" over and over until I arrived at the doctor's office. Despite my pleas, I already knew. Once I arrived, the ultrasound showed that the pregnancy was ending. I felt my hope end at that moment too and I wondered if I'd ever carry a full term baby again. I was broken and didn't know how I was going to be put together again.

It took many months for me to reach peace about the miscarriages. Not that I forgot about our babies that we lost, but I was at peace with the fact that I may not carry another baby. For us, we decided to pursue two options. One was to test and see why I was having repeat miscarriages. The other was to start researching adoption options. We knew we desired to have more children and for us, adoption was something we were open to.

After multiple tests during this time, it was determined that the lupus was causing my own antibodies to attack the new life within me as it saw it as a foreign invader. Although it was a risk, I was put on several new medications to manage the lupus and once we were ready, we tried again. I discovered I was pregnant shortly after. I was hopeful and terrified once again. I kept waiting for the worst to happen, but we were blessed with another little boy, named Charlie.



Seventeen months later, we added one more boy, Jack, to our family.



A week after he was born, we received the devastating news that our oldest son had Asperger’s Syndrome. My heart stopped beating. I felt defeated. I questioned, how were we going to do this? Haven’t we had enough? People were beyond expressing sympathy for us at this point. Our friends and family shared in our disbelief. There was almost a sense of outrage. “Haven’t you suffered enough?!” was a repeated sentiment.

I went into fix it mode. Our son started intense therapy and biomedical interventions. Here I had 3 kids under 5, one a newborn, and we were spending on average 10 hours a week in therapy! Luke’s gluten and casein free diet and supplement schedule were extremely taxing and expensive. So were his therapies, as most families still do not get insurance to cover services for autism. Between the lack of sleep with a newborn, a busy toddler,driving Luke to all his therapies, and spending every extra minute researching how I was going to help him, I reached my breaking point.

Then a tragedy occurred in our community. A mother was driving with her three children when a semi-truck rear-ended their minivan. All three children were killed in the accident. It tore me out of self-pity and reminded me that although we had struggles and heartbreak ahead as we helped our oldest navigate a world that his brain wasn’t wired for, we had so much to be thankful for. I began to focus on his talents and strengths and accept him for who he was created to be.

In case, you have not noticed by now, I’m a tough girl. I persevere and try to find the positive in meek situations. All of that crumbled one warm June day when my husband walked in the door after a routine dermatologist appointment and told me that he had melanoma. He cried and the children watched in silence as we held each other in the entryway. I held it together…for the moment.

We ordered pizza since I was in no shape to cook, and I wept in the car for a long time as I drove to get it. I couldn’t muster the strength to go into the pizza shop. Instead I played out all the worst case cancer scenarios in my head as tears streamed down my face. I worried about his suffering. I worried about losing him. I worried about our children having two ill parents. I feared who would know how to raise our son with Asperger’s if something happened to both of us.

The following weeks were filled with many ups and downs. Eventually my husband had two surgeries to remove the tumor in his leg and several lymph nodes. Our fears were confirmed. The cancer had spread to one lymph node, giving him a stage 3 (4 being the worst) diagnosis. Again, people shook their heads in disbelief and compared us to Job in the Old Testament who suffered one tragedy after another.



Although we would not ask for the cancer, it has taught us to be aware of the way we are living.We are 3 years since his diagnosis and he is cancer free. We are making a conscious effort to have more fun, to laugh at ourselves and together more, and to value the little things in life.



We are not cursed. We have been blessed. We have learned much and we are growing. We are loving and we are laughing. We have a God who is GOOD and who has provided a roof over our heads, food on our table, and people holding us up when we feel like we want to crumble. For that, we are grateful.


Much love,
Katie

hope

Source: travel-babbles.blogspot.com via Katie on Pinterest

Happy Sunday!

Much love,
Katie

P.S. Sweet Kim from, Enough Faith for Today, was kind enough to send some sweet encouragement my way. Stop on by and find out why I love her heart and blog so much.

the current

There are days when the life river moves with ease. It flows naturally and you go with it.

Then there days when the current is aggressive. You feel like you may lose your footing at any moment as you step from one slippery rock to the next as you battle to climb upstream.

Perhaps the most significant lesson I have learned is that one current is not better than the other.

It just is.

Even when I'm fighting to push upstream, it does not determine that life is bad.

Such as a day when you plan a quick day trip to Malibu with a friend and her children. You wonder if the stretch from San Diego to Malibu might be pushing it with little guys in the car, but you go for it anyway because you see the opportunity for fun.

When that trip turns into a 5 hour drive just to get there and then you are told that there is no entrance to the hiking trail, you consider pulling the car over on the windy hilltop to sob.



But you don't because you realize that there is still an opportunity to seek fun and go with it.





As you feel the sand squishing under your feet while watching your guys explore the tide pools, you know that you are grateful despite that rapid which tried to drown the day.



The life current is always changing. It has it's moods.

Some are low.

Some are high.



When I am able to wrap myself around that fact; when I truly accept it, I am able to let go and befriend the current of life whether it be a day of calm waters or a day of fighting the fierce rapids.

My faith, family and friends are the constants that bring me joy. It is not the temporary things which a day of calm water brings. The constants are from a deeper place and they withstand fickle currents.





Those constants are the rocks I cling to as I attempt to keep my stability while the rapids try to knock me off my feet and swiftly sweep me downstream.





I hope that you are able to face the current of your life with confidence and find your stability with the constants in your life.

Much love,
Katie