Thursday, September 16, 2010

LIMBO

My life feels like the game of limbo lately. There’s a frequent feeling of the bar being lowered to the ground. The challenge is increasing. There’s a questioning of whether we can clear the bar or if it is just too much and we’re going to brush against it despite all of our back arching efforts and get called “out” of the game.

When your husband is diagnosed with CANCER, your life changes. Forever. Even when the cancer is removed and a year of sickening treatment is completed, it is still there.

You can’t help it. You put on a brave face and focus on the positive. You pray for strength and courage. But it still lingers.

Although we moved beyond the fear in order to enjoy our lives, it comes back to say “hello” often. It is there when I scan my husband’s body each month. I’m not sure if I am more fearful of finding a spot or if I am more fearful of missing a spot. And although we move forward and forget at times, it is there when the six-month scans come along. And when my husband has to have a biopsy of a spot in the local region of the original tumor, the fear is there again to greet me…”I’m back. Did you miss me?”

So what to do in the face of this game of limbo?

We wait. We pray. We hope. We count our blessings. We keep on rolling along.

4 comments:

Mommy of three said...

Katie, I can't even imagine how you are coping. The only way is to lean on God because you can't do it alone, right?
I will continue to pray that the results are good and you have some sort of peace. At least until the next scan.
Love from,
Greta

The Mama Monster said...

Katie, your family is in my thoughts!!!!

Love,
Kellee

Michelle Blair said...

Katie-
I am so sorry. Just reading this makes my chest tighten up and my breathing become labored. I can't imagine the stress you must be feeling, and I admire the strength you show by holding it all together. I will be praying for you guys.

Leah said...

praying that everything is clear for kevin. health issues are a roller coaster for sure. i always have the possibility of rejection in the back of my mind. i pray you guys have peace and can go back to being carefree soon (as much as possible) :)