ants in my pants

I'm feeling it again.

The ants.

They're back.

I am an antsy girl. I think I always have been. I've been prone to always looking forward instead of soaking in the now.

In high school, I started taking college classes. In college, I changed my major 6 (yes, 6) times and still managed to graduate a semester early.

Why the rush?

Always moving forward. Never stopping.

Once I started teaching, I knew I wanted to have 3 kids by the time I was 30.

Why the rush?

Always thinking ahead. Forget the now.

In 11 years of marriage, we've owned 3 homes, and moved 8 times. In fact, Charlie is 4 1/2 and has lived in 4 different houses. Granted one of them was just for a few months before we sold, but still.

We get antsy. We'll settle for a bit and then we're on the move again.

Why the restlessness?

Looking for more space, a bigger yard, a better school.

And now I feel it again. I'm officially done having babies. It's a done deal. Jack is 3 and ready for preschool. And depending on who you ask I am selfishly or not, wondering what is NEXT.

Brace yourselves...some of you are going to despise what I'm going to say, but I'm feeling antsy as a mom. I miss work. I miss having something of my own. Although I love being home and not missing a beat with my littles, it is there; that feeling is back.

I've got ants in my pants. Again. I'm looking at the future, yet still struggling to dwell and savor the NOW.

As a former teacher, I'm not sure if teaching is my route. The lack of job availability with massive lay-offs and current classroom conditions makes going back to that field a less attractive option.

So then what? What do you do with a liberal studies degree and teaching credential?

Maybe it is time to go back to school. I daydream of being a labor and delivery nurse and eventually becoming a CNP.

Maybe I should use my real life knowledge of Autism Spectrum Disorders and go back to school to pursue that route.

Or perhaps the grass is greener on the other side and I should chill and focus less on what I could be doing and more on what is happening here and now.

There's no simple answer. I truly believe for each their own. I don't think there's a magic formula that works for every family. I'm not just being PC; trust me, that is not one of my strengths.

AND this is a big AND...please know that I appreciate what a huge privilege it is to stay home. I don't want to be ungrateful EVER.

Maybe I just need to welcome the ants in my pants, do the boogie dance, and then politely ask them to visit another time.