Wednesday, May 4, 2011

the blues

I know this is blogland and all but I have to admit that I've been feeling a bit blue lately. I am usually a shade of green. Grass green. Happy green.



I'm not so much a yellow; I don't quite have the energy or pep for yellow. I'm not a fierce red either. However, you could definately say I'm green. When I think of green, a few things come to mind: cool (not as in rad), stable, and consistent. I stay at a steady speed without zig-zagging my emotions too far to the right or left.

But lately I'm blue.

There are some things weighing heavy on my heart. We are seeking answers to some big questions. The process of seeking and waiting and not always doing is not natural for me.

Blue. Moody, storm churning ocean blue.



And then we had a child in our community get hit by a car. You can read what happened HERE. He's 8. My oldest is 8. I don't even have the words.

Blue.

Carry on with daily tasks.

Blue.

Put a false smile on my face.

Blue.

Give the all too appropriate, "I'm great."

Blue.

But today...I felt glimpses of green today. It started out like all my other Tuesdays. I woke up, got everyone ready, rushed off to school, volunteered in the classroom, ran errands, went to the gym, and ended the to-do list with swim lessons.

I remember when I was at home with just Luke and the the days seemed to last forever. I long for those days now.

Forever sounds nice.

However, we came home from swim and as my boys played tennis out front with the hubs, my oldest came in and asked me to go for a lizard catching walk with him.

To be honest, I didn't want to go. I am fighting a nasty cold and I just wanted to put my feet up and chill. When I griped about not feeling well he asked, "can I get you an ice pack?"

This was a breakthrough for my boy with Asperger's! It was HUGE. To reflect on me not feeling well, feel empathetic, and offer to help me, was mind blowing. I was speechless. I know it may seem bizarre, but expressing such empathy does not come naturally to Aspie kiddos. It was such a tender moment; my boy wanting to take care of his mama.

It was enough to motivate me to get off the couch. As I slowly walked a few steps behind him, I observed him lizard hunt. I watched his hair bounce up and down with each step and listened to his theories on where the best lizard catching locations were. The rhythm of his flip flops tapping from his his heels to the ground matched the rhythm of green beginning to pump back through my veins, filling up my heart again.

I vividly saw myself pushing him in his stroller through our old neighborhood in San Clemente. I pictured myself pushing the back handle on his trike. And now he was guiding me on the lizard hunt. He was the leader. I was the follower.

Yep, I could feel the green. My heart was swelling up with it once again. Because no matter how blue our circumstances get, we always have the chance to find our true color.

Much love,
Katie

Linking up:

16 comments:

Janna said...

Thanks Katie! You made my day. I don't know when I'll have time to post again, but hopefully soon - we're coming off last week's spring break and houseguests so it's been tough getting back to a normal routine.

The New June said...

I have to say I'm in love with your color theories. It made me stop and consider where my default usually is...I'd like to think I'm a green, but certainly have my blue moments.

I'm so glad April awarded you, or you would have been on my list ;)

Jessica Johnson said...

yay for green. but blue is ok, too. sorry you had a rough patch. but thankful the Lord meets us and teaches us there, right? And mint chip is my fave, too. That makes me go from blue to green in 2.8 seconds.

Genn said...

So glad you found your green again, and in such a happy moment too. It's hard not to feel blue sometimes. Especially when thinking of the little boy your son's age right now. Life certainly has it's ups and downs.
What a thoughtful thing for your son to ask if you need an ice pack. Glad you were able to seize the moment.
Hope you feel better soon!
ps- love your new profile picture!
(I just chopped all my hair off! I've got a short do now too. I'll post pics soon.)

Brooke said...

New photo in the header (SOOOOO CUTE!!!) and a new profile pic (You are rocking it, Girl!)

I am so glad you are finding your green again ;D
Hugs to you and Happy Mother's Day!!!!!

the lowes said...

oh my goodness thanks so much!! I LOVE your blog and your heart and am honored by your listing me here! (I actually just did this little award not too long ago but thanks SOOOO much for honoring me with it...it means a lot coming from you!!) glad you're seeing a little green today. :)

AMedina said...

Beautiful.

Jenn Costillo said...

Dear Friend,

Wonderful post as always. You have such a beautiful way of stating reality and helping all of us to connect more with ourselves through your writing. Thanks for writing about the blue times. There are definitely these moments in motherhood, and, of course, in life in general. Call anytime in the midst of these moments (as if there's time...but sometimes there are those stolen moments!).

Much love to you, and I will be praying for those big decisions that you talk about.

Erin said...

Wow thanks Katie! I would pick you back for sure...you continually inspire and bless me with your honesty in life. Hope your weekend getaway is a blast!

Charla Liedahl said...

What an amazing breakthrough for your son to offer you such sweet empathy. I can completely undestand how your blue became more green at that moment! Isn't it so like the Lord to use our kids to teach us the simple things? Enjoy your weekend in PD...one of our favorite spots for R and R.

Karrie said...

I can SO relate to your "big questions; waiting for answers!" it can be exhausting!!
WTG on your little aspie guy!! That is a huge thing and for him to not even skip a beat when asking, impressive!!

The story of the 8 year old has hit close to home here too: my daughter will be 8 this summer and she is experimenting with her independence lately, that tragedy just brought back some reality

Amy Sullivan said...

Clicked over from Casey's.

I just got over a two week blue patch. . .didn't even care about green.

Hope your heart swells with the good stuff soon.

The Drama Mama said...

Oh, sweet love! Praying for you! And thank you for your sweet comment! HUGS!

hannah singer said...

praying for you, darling katie! keep choosing green in the midst of the blues! xo

Laurie J said...

love the color analogy! and the sweet story of you and your boy <3

Rachael said...

you're sweet. great blog and I can totally relate. Love you sister!