Last night was a rough night. Kevin is out of town for the week, which means I am more stressed than usual. I had a hunch it may be a bad day when it started out with me almost fainting at the gym (long story). For the rest of the day, I felt sick. That also usually means that I’m more stressed than usual. You know how tough it can be to be a nice mom when you feel rotten. It didn’t help that my kids were bickering a lot. Oh, and Jack has a sinus infection and he was screaming…a lot. These things made me more stressed than usual too.
By bedtime, I managed to get everyone fed, bathed and in pajamas. But then I hit the wall. I went into the bathroom and one of the boys had “forgotten” to tell me that he clogged the toilet. Now really, in the big scheme of things, not such a big deal, right? Except it was to me, on that kind of night. I immediately wished Kevin was there to take this on. But he wasn’t so I had to deal with it.
Instead of calmly going about fixing the problem, I got really upset with my son for not telling me. I was mad about the mess, I was mad at the toilet, and I was really mad that I wasn’t feeling well and was stuck to deal with this. My perspective was off and I had reached my limit.
I decided to quickly put all the kids in bed so I could deal with the toilet. This meant no songs, no stories, and no prayers. My oldest son was crushed because he didn’t get his extra playtime. My other son was reacting from the stress and started melting down. Our youngest was wiped out from the day and miraculously slept through the scene.
Once I cleaned everything up and had a moment to calm down and reflect-I suddenly felt it. The mom guilt. Part of me wanted to rationalize my behavior…bad day, not feeling well, blah, blah, blah. But I couldn’t. I knew. I knew in my heart that I had completely lost my temper and I needed to ask for forgiveness. I dread admitting that I’m wrong. Even more, I really dread saying I’m sorry. I know, some great example I am!
So I sheepishly went into each boy’s room, cuddled in bed with them, and told them that I made a mistake by getting so upset. Then I asked them to forgive me. We talked about the situation and how we could do it differently if we had a “do-over.” We ended the conversation with sweet hugs and kisses.
I am thankful for forgiveness and second chances.