Thursday, August 25, 2011

from misery to magic

There are certain days when I know that I'm going to need every extra ounce of patience to save me from the day ahead.

Today was that day. Every 2 months I decrease my prednisone which I have been on for 8 years since Luke's birth. His birth caused my lupus to go haywire and I've been struggling to wean from the potent drug since. It has saved me and cursed me at the same time. As I decrease, my body revolts. It aches. My brain is foggy. I'm edgy.

It is hard on me, but I don't want it to be hard on my children.

I press on. That's what we do as moms.

As the boys exploded with excitement when Luke's friend came over for a play date, I took a deep breath. I knew the over-excitement would soon break way to tears, fighting, and hurt feelings. The littles don't understand that the big kids want to play by themselves. And while I am prone to an "we all play together" agenda, there are times that I feel the older kids deserve to play with each other without the invasion of the littles.

It's a balance I'm trying to seek.

When it was time to herd my 3 boys + 1 for a swim date, I held my breath again.

I didn't know if they'd switch gears from torment to peace.

They didn't. I spent the time there in frustration and eventually left in defeat.

We arrived home where I swiftly tucked Jack (3) into bed. When he's a mess, everyone is a mess. We go down together as if an anchor is tied to our already sinking boat. Fast.

And to my surprise, I crashed on the couch without even the sensation of sleep waving over me. Before I knew it, it was after 5:00 and I was woken up by Jack poking me. When Jack dramatically threw himself to the floor at the mention of soccer practice, I went with the flow and declared it a soccer ditch day.

Content with the decision, Charlie (5) asked me to go ride scooters with him. It would have been so easy to dismiss him due to the sleepiness and aches, but my gut knew better. Once again, I pushed on.

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For him.

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For me.

For something inexplainable happens when I say "yes." My tank is filled to the brim with joy. My heart aches with contentment. I know that despite the rough start, at the core, the day was not a wreck.

Everyday is a blessing. I needed to seek it and seize it with pure intention.

As we raced scooters, we felt the summer heat radiate from the black road through the soles of our flip flops. My heart was glad.

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This kid has mad pretend skills. He leads. Jack follows. That's way it should be with big brothers and little brothers.

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There were warnings of fire bombs...

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And hot lava.

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As for Luke, he'd rather perfect his tree frog drawing skills.

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Love that kid.

Even this former "my boys will never play with weapons" mama, embraced the Jedi gun and taking on the character of Yoda since he has a green light saber.

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My dudes know green is my favorite color. I rocked it peeps. The force was with me.

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Don't think I'm afraid to take down one of my own. The force is not to be reckoned with, friends.

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I've learned that with boys, I may not get blooming flowers as a token of affection, but being presented with a green light saber is just as sweet.

Just another lesson that it is possible to transform our misery into magic. Kids are good like that.

Much love,
Katie

Linking up with Casey.

*I'd love for you to link up this weekend for it's a God thing!

17 comments:

{cuppakim} said...

so unbelievably awesome. and cute.

i love that you scootered WITH your boys.

i don't think i have EVER seen a mama do that!

they will totally remember days like this.

so worth it :)

Karen said...

Good for you Katie! The boys will remember Mom playing with them like that. I crashed on the couch too and woke up 2 hours later to the kids standing above me. I hope you are feeling better. How long do the effects of weaning from the prednisone usually last?

Alyss said...

AH! The only thing I don't love about this post are the aches and pains that you feel. Bummer deal there.

But you rock, Katie! Press on. I'm so glad you allowed your kids' magic to overcome you. It's all about perspective. And just like you said, saying YES to your kids can actually fill your tank! You're inspiring.

Hannah said...

LOVE this post Katie! So totally been there with the random nap. It happened to me just the other day. I went to pick up Truman from my Dad's after a meeting at Regional Center and I literally passed out. Granted, his couch is a total nap-vortex, but still...weird. The cool part is, he let me sleep :-)) My Dad rocks!!!

Laurie J said...

oh katie, i love how you play with the boys! those light saber duels are where it's at, right? :) too sweet and i LOVE your little guys and their imagination pics! praying for you as you shared in the beginning about your lupus struggle--i love your positive outlook on life, friend!
<3 <3 <3

Maureen Polderman said...

Wow! That was a really great read this morning....thanks for your encouragement! Boys are SO fun...and SO busy!

Also, thanks for being transparent about your struggles with lupus- my sister has it as well and I am awed by the perseverance it takes to push through on those hard days!

Sarah B. said...

What a sweet post! I'm glad you were blessed by choosing to say "yes" even when you felt like saying "no" :)

chelsea {joy} said...

what precious moments and memories. love your strength :) you're an inspiration to just continue to push through even when you feel as though you have no strength. happy friday friend!

The Mom said...

I love how real you are! I too feel overwhelmed with joy when I just say YES! I played xbox with my middle one while the baby napped, I had million other things to do but I put it aside and just played, I have never felt better!

kinze said...

aw ... you're boys will love you for this!

xo katrina said...

you are awesome, katie. your strength is inspiring. and i want your ability to press on when it feels like the universe is pushing in the opposite direction. that is the real super power. xoxoxox

Karrie said...

Your prednisone sounds a lot like my zoloft. I feel for you; I really do and I also can really relate to the contentment you feel when you say yes to your kids. Nothing is better than the sweet little happy face a child puts on when mom says "yes" to their innocent desires!
God's peace to you as you work your way through this time!!

likeschocolate said...

We have had moments like this without the prednisone. Latley, I have been switching kids off when one has a play date, I try to find a play dates for the others away from the home so that we the child with the play date can have fun with his friend without it being hijacked by the sibling. Doesn't always happen, but it helps. Have a great weekend!

heartland farmhouse said...

You do Rock! Sometimes it seems so hard to press on! I hear my little say 'dance with me Mama' & I am so tired & I don't even have a GOOD excuse to be tired like some do! Good for you! Well done!

Have a Blessed Weekend!

Charla Liedahl said...

You rock! It is so hard to whisper "yes" when your body screams "no." I see many more green light saber presentations in your future. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Heather said...

I love your strength and perserverance. You are amazing! xo

angie on maui said...

I am new to your blog, visiting you from Casey's link up! You have a wonderful perspective on balancing "life" and I am so happy to have found your blog. I love that your littles fill you with the energy to press on, even when your body doesn't agree.

I recognize your profile picture and have seen your comments in other blogs; I'm happy to be here and look forward to getting to know you better! You are an amazing bunch...I feel blessed to have finally found a circle of encouraging, beautiful women who share in my faith and love for the Lord.

Have a blessed week!

Aloha,
Angie