There are certain days when I know that I'm going to need every extra ounce of patience to save me from the day ahead.
Today was that day. Every 2 months I decrease my prednisone which I have been on for 8 years since Luke's birth. His birth caused my lupus to go haywire and I've been struggling to wean from the potent drug since. It has saved me and cursed me at the same time. As I decrease, my body revolts. It aches. My brain is foggy. I'm edgy.
It is hard on me, but I don't want it to be hard on my children.
I press on. That's what we do as moms.
As the boys exploded with excitement when Luke's friend came over for a play date, I took a deep breath. I knew the over-excitement would soon break way to tears, fighting, and hurt feelings. The littles don't understand that the big kids want to play by themselves. And while I am prone to an "we all play together" agenda, there are times that I feel the older kids deserve to play with each other without the invasion of the littles.
It's a balance I'm trying to seek.
When it was time to herd my 3 boys + 1 for a swim date, I held my breath again.
I didn't know if they'd switch gears from torment to peace.
They didn't. I spent the time there in frustration and eventually left in defeat.
We arrived home where I swiftly tucked Jack (3) into bed. When he's a mess, everyone is a mess. We go down together as if an anchor is tied to our already sinking boat. Fast.
And to my surprise, I crashed on the couch without even the sensation of sleep waving over me. Before I knew it, it was after 5:00 and I was woken up by Jack poking me. When Jack dramatically threw himself to the floor at the mention of soccer practice, I went with the flow and declared it a soccer ditch day.
Content with the decision, Charlie (5) asked me to go ride scooters with him. It would have been so easy to dismiss him due to the sleepiness and aches, but my gut knew better. Once again, I pushed on.
For something inexplainable happens when I say "yes." My tank is filled to the brim with joy. My heart aches with contentment. I know that despite the rough start, at the core, the day was not a wreck.
Everyday is a blessing. I needed to seek it and seize it with pure intention.
As we raced scooters, we felt the summer heat radiate from the black road through the soles of our flip flops. My heart was glad.
This kid has mad pretend skills. He leads. Jack follows. That's way it should be with big brothers and little brothers.
There were warnings of fire bombs...
And hot lava.
As for Luke, he'd rather perfect his tree frog drawing skills.
Love that kid.
Even this former "my boys will never play with weapons" mama, embraced the Jedi gun and taking on the character of Yoda since he has a green light saber.
My dudes know green is my favorite color. I rocked it peeps. The force was with me.
Don't think I'm afraid to take down one of my own. The force is not to be reckoned with, friends.
I've learned that with boys, I may not get blooming flowers as a token of affection, but being presented with a green light saber is just as sweet.
Just another lesson that it is possible to transform our misery into magic. Kids are good like that.
Linking up with Casey.
*I'd love for you to link up this weekend for it's a God thing!