Monday, October 3, 2011

searching silence

I'll be honest with you. My time devoted to reading my bible and setting an established time of studying God's word and praying is intermittent.

Not by intention.

Life just catches me off guard and of all the things that I put to the side, having a routine of quiet time with God is one of them.

Here's the thing, though. A few years back, I would feel "un-Christian" for admitting that to you. The guilt would push me even further away.

But, I can tell you full heartedly today that I am saved by Grace.

And no matter how inconsistent I am, God is faithful to me.

I talk to Him all day long.

I pray in the shower.

I pray while I'm driving.

I even pray as I am on the treadmill.

For I know that God does not just meet me at an appointed place and time.

However, I am beyond blessed when I do make that time. Over the last two days I sat down and read two devotionals from My Daily Bread.

The first one was about our tone of voice.

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BAM! Just what I have been wrestling with daily. Of all the days for me to pick up My Daily Bread and read, it was written for me. I have struggled with the way I'm responding in anger to my kids. My words and temper come before grace. No bueno, friends.

The second day, I opened it up and it was about loneliness and how we use noise and busyness to occupy the loneliness that we feel, for running from God's voice, or for thinking for ourselves.

Double Bam! I have been particularly struggling with friendships lately. I am blessed to have dear friends from high school, college, and from the different cities where we have lived, but they are not connected to one another. I have felt loneliness like never before. I have not been part of a core circle of girlfriends since high school and there are times when I wonder what is wrong with me and why I can't seem to gain acceptance beyond friendly acquaintance status within preformed group of friends, whether it be at MOPS, church, or the boys' school.

I am a tough cookie and I am not usually on the sensitive side, but I do get my feelings hurt. It is hard to admit that.

God knew that I'd sit down to read My Daily Bread on those two days. He met me there. He spoke to my heart. I love how He continues to show me that He knows my needs.

So I will slow down.

I will seek.

I will find.

I will listen.

Much love,
Katie
Linking up with Jami.

15 comments:

hannah singer said...

amen. he knows you, even stuff you didn't know about yourself yet;)
i am with you on both of these struggles ... most heavily the friends thing. praying for you, dear one.

thankful for YOU, my FRIEND. xo

ps i am still awake;)

Flor said...

Oh Katie, such a wonderful and honest post! I struggle with finding time for my quiet time... but I'm comforted in knowing that he knows my heart and he knows my thoughts. And my thoughts are always on him.. exactly as you said.. whether I'm washing dishes, listening to worship music or sewing.
I read the daily bread devotionals too! Aren't they just wonderful?? I wonder if they have something like that for our little kids (beginning-intermediate readers).. they would so benefit from something like this that is short and to the point.

I pray that God guides in your search for closer relationships with friends.. we, mothers, need a close circle of friends that we can confide in.. and I know that God has the perfect girls out there for you :)

Janna said...

Wow Katie, sometimes I wonder if we're almost the same person. I struggle with so many very similar things, and your posts almost always speak straight to my heart.

Janna said...

oh, and your new header is super cool. I need to add your button to my new blog too.

Marie said...

katie,

amen on the unintentionally sporadic reading schedule! to help with this, i use a devotional for little boys called God's Mighty Warrior. don't laugh...i read it with my little men at breakfast in the morning. short & sweet and geared towards them, sometimes it helps me more than the boys:)

praying for some solid christian girls for you! perhaps women are intimidated by your awesomeness!!:)

Ashley @ LaLuce said...

i always have to watch my tone AND apparently my facial expressions (lol) this was so good to share, i love the daily bread.

heartland farmhouse said...

Wow! I feel like I could have written MUCH of this post, only you write better! ;)

Thank you for your honesty here!
Have I mentioned I work in a world of boyz & short people? Not many gals to hang with there! :) Blogging in that sense has been a blessing to me! YOU are a blessing to me! :)

{cuppakim} said...

amazing how God works - he is faithful in everything! he has a plan - he knew those moments you would have time to sit down and read - i truly believe something as simple and encouraging as this was written in the pages before time!

super encouraged - i am so glad you shared this :)

The Arizona Russums said...

thanks for sharing! i hope you continue to be blessed by your quiet times with the Lord! xoxo!

Karen said...

I loved this post so much Katie!! It didn't just speak to me, it shouted at me! Can't wait to see you in a couple of days!

Amanda @ Maggiano Takes Austin said...

i looooved this post katie!! i feel the same way most times and i have ALSO had the same thought process as i pray in the shower, car, on the treadmill - everything! i love this encouragement - you definitely encouraged me! xoxo

Adrian said...

I love your honesty in this post. I feel the same way about both my tone to my kids and friendships. Know you are not alone. I know I feel better reading this. Thank you.

Jamie said...

I feel so blessed that I just found your blog!!!! I 100% agree that we can seek out and pray with God all of the time, especially in the car driving to work! Thank you so much for the encouragement.

Angel Haynes said...

So good and rich. I love reading posts full of authenticity. I've wandered around in a funk for the last couple of weeks wishing I could just call someone. I KNOW Who I need to call on! Thanks for the encouragement!

Jamie said...

I love how God can speak through us any time, any way!